Znowu mamy wrzesień. Choć liście na drzewach jeszcze zielone i temperatura czasem przypomina tą letnią, znowu myślę o nieuchronności jesieni. Minął rok od kiedy pisałam, jak trudno jest mi pożegnać lato. Ponownie staram się jeszcze stawiać czoła pogodzie i przemycam letnią garderobę w coraz bardziej jesiennej już codzienności. Niestety wkrótce przyjdzie mi pogodzić się z rzeczywistością i wyciągnąć z szafy cieplejsze ubrania.
Pewnie się powtórzę, mówiąc, że im jesteśmy starsi, czas szybciej płynie. To złudzenie, a jednak jest ono tak wyraźne, że czasem trudno mi uwierzyć, że doba to faktycznie 24 godziny, a miesiąc ma 30 dni. Ciągle żyję od weekendu do weekendu, przerzucam kartki w kalendarzu, szukając okazji na to, by na trochę gdzieś uciec, zaplanować wyjazd. Choćby 3-dniowy.
Mimo tego, jak bardzo staramy się być poukładani - zapisujemy ważne zdania, planujemy spotkania, segregujemy dokumenty i myśli..., pewnych rzeczy po prostu nie jesteśmy w stanie przewidzieć. Decyzje, te podjęte przez nas oraz te, z którymi przyszło nam się zmierzyć, potrafią zmienić nasze życie o 180 stopni. Tak też zdarzyło się i u mnie. A wkrótce - kolejne zmiany. Nie ma mowy o planach pewnych na 100%, nie ma mowy o stabilizacji. W moim życiu, choć bardzo bym tego chciała, niektóre rzeczy są "na chwilę". Może stabilność i to, że coś jest constans (jak w fizyce) - to nie dla mnie? Czasem mam wrażenie, że jestem "skazana" na to, by ciągle stawać przed nowym.
I mimo, że ludzie mówią mi, że nic nie dzieje się bez powodu, wszystko ma swój czas i miejsce, to myślę, że to nie do końca prawda. Choć czasem jestem tym zmęczona i zastanawiam się, co jeszcze przyniesie mi jutro, myślę, że może kiedyś uda mi się zatrzymać, wziąć oddech i zostać gdzieś na dłużej niż tylko "na chwilę". Nawet jeśli to miejsce to nie będzie zielony domek nad jeziorem, a tylko kolejna historia w mojej głowie.
Again we are in September. Although the leaves on the trees are green and the temperature sometimes resembles like summery one, again I think about the inevitability of fall. A year has passed since I wrote how difficult it is to me to say goodbye to summer. Again, I try to face the weather and I smuggle summer wardrobe in more and more already autumn everyday. Unfortunately, soon I will have to accept the reality andthe pull out warmer clothes from my closet.
Probably I will repeat it, saying that as we get older, time flies faster. It's an illusion but it is so clear, sometimes it's difficult to believe that day and night is actually 24 hours, and a month is 30 days. I still live from weekend to weekend, skim through pages in the calendar, looking for the opportunity to run away somewher, to plan a trip. Even a 3-day one.
Despite how much we try to be arranged - saving important sentences, planning meetings, filing documents and thoughts ... some things just are not able to predict.
Decisions, those taken by us and those with whom we had to face, they may change our lives completely. So it happened to me. And soon - another change to face. The plans sure for 100% and stability are out of the question. In my life, although I want it, some things are just "for a moment". Maybe stability and that something is constans (like in physics) - this is not for me? Sometimes I feel that I was "doomed" on it - that all the time I have to stand against the new.
And even though people tell me that nothing happens without a reason, everything has its time and place, I think that this is not entirely true. Although sometimes I'm tired of it and I wonder what else tomorrow will bring to me, I think that maybe someday I'll manage to stop, take a breath and be somewhere for more than just for "a moment". Even if this place is not going to be a green cottage by the lake, but just another story in my head.
Probably I will repeat it, saying that as we get older, time flies faster. It's an illusion but it is so clear, sometimes it's difficult to believe that day and night is actually 24 hours, and a month is 30 days. I still live from weekend to weekend, skim through pages in the calendar, looking for the opportunity to run away somewher, to plan a trip. Even a 3-day one.
Despite how much we try to be arranged - saving important sentences, planning meetings, filing documents and thoughts ... some things just are not able to predict.
Decisions, those taken by us and those with whom we had to face, they may change our lives completely. So it happened to me. And soon - another change to face. The plans sure for 100% and stability are out of the question. In my life, although I want it, some things are just "for a moment". Maybe stability and that something is constans (like in physics) - this is not for me? Sometimes I feel that I was "doomed" on it - that all the time I have to stand against the new.
And even though people tell me that nothing happens without a reason, everything has its time and place, I think that this is not entirely true. Although sometimes I'm tired of it and I wonder what else tomorrow will bring to me, I think that maybe someday I'll manage to stop, take a breath and be somewhere for more than just for "a moment". Even if this place is not going to be a green cottage by the lake, but just another story in my head.
